April 28, 2011

Had another long talk with our case worker this morning.  We have finally reached out and talked to some friends about this whole situation as well.  This really has been a hard path that we have been walking down. 

Our talk this morning was freeing.  I was able to admit that we feel like we are getting in over our heads and not ready to adopt a child if he/she suffers from severe mental illness.  It took us this long to even be able to admit it-- or to really be able to say it out loud.  There is a lot of shame that is involved in admitting that maybe you aren't good enough, skilled enough, knowledgeable enough, patient enough, etc etc to be able to deal with something so serious... But it also takes a lot of humility to admit that maybe someone else could do a better job that we can do.

Now, we just need to sit back and wait until we get the answers to the questions that we had asked.  See if the symptoms are still present. See is the child still is struggling in the same manner... See if maybe these things have passed away and maybe she is doing better.... It is a lot of waiting to see.

In the meantime we are just praying for God's guidance and His hand to lead us to make the right decisions.  We need to know that He is in control and has a purpose for us and for the little ones... Whether that means with us or not. 

We also are dealing with the possibility to maybe offering to adopt one of the children- if not both... But we don't know if they will still allow us to do that... We don't know if that will be an option. 

We have to keep believing that God is bigger than all of this and that He will help lead us where we are meant to go. 

There are so many people who try to be supportive and loving but it is a really lonely journey that many will never fully understand.  It feels like there is this huge weight on your shoulders.... Do you accept and risk everything? Do you not and then risk never having any children?  It is just all so hard. 

Praying we keep humble and real to ourselves and to our God.. for our sake but ultimately for the sake of the little ones....

Life...