Well, I am a few days behind in my updates. I have been sick so staying away from all things technology. Today I am finally starting to feel a little better and can stand sitting up for longer than a few minutes at a time.
I am thinking that this blog is going to be used more for US and not necessarily for our children. To be honest, we are REALLY struggling with our decision to adopt or not adopt at this point. While we thought that there could not be anything in the files that would make us say "No, we can't do this"... we were wrong. We aren't sure at this point if we have the resources we need to be able to support both kids the way they will need to be supported. One of the kids seems to struggle with mental illness. This isn't entirely surprising as her mother is schitzophrenic. We were warned about some of her issues but as we read more through the files, the details became overwhelming and scary. This isn't a decision we can take lightly- but rather one that we need to think all the way through. While I can't imagine saying NO to bringing her home, I also can't imagine the kind of stress that it would put on our family, our animals, our budget, etc if we were to bring her home and not be able to handle her.
The other problem is that they other kiddo seems to be less affected by mental illness, but we can;'t be sure of that because he doesn't have the language to express what he is feeling/experiencing... So, are we being neive and adopting a child and thinking he is fine and will later realize that he is not fine? That he, too, is struggling with his own problems?
It is really very scary. These are the things people don't like to talk about. People don't like to admit. There is never any assurance in life and never any guarantees- but should we start out by beign scared? I don't want to dissapoint our God, but I don't want to take on something we can't handle either... Sighs. What would He have me to do? I ask, but haven't felt the answer.
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