Summer is here and while most kids are elated and on their best behavior (is this true?) my kids are having a hard time dealing with the change. We hired a nanny to watch the kids during the day while we work and she is amazing. She is a Deaf educator and signs fluently. She has worked with Timmy at school before and has instantly become comfortable in our home. Timmy had a few days where he struggled but seems to be on the way back up. Our Sha is the one we are really struggling with right now.
I am not sure if there is some internal fight or flight response that is being triggered, if she just is becoming a tween with attitude, or if the new medication we have been trying is really not a good fit. I have a suspicion that it is a little of all of these. In any event she has spent the last few days doing loads of reading and school work while her brother goes on bike rides, paints, and builds puzzles. She is not happy about this but our job is to teach them what they need to know for their futures, not make them happy every second of the day.
As I sit across from her and watch her it breaks my heart. I want for her to be enjoying her summer. I want her to be laughing and enjoying the sunshine. I want her to get to walk to the library in the rain.... But I can't let her go. I can't let her lie and not deal with the consequences that come with such decisions. Lies, mean looks, hiding, sneaking..... Oy! But she just needs a little more Grace. She just needs a little more time to convince her old self that those habits and choices no longer serve her in this new home. She needs time to put away the old survival mechanisms and accept that here we stand for love, integrity, and honesty above all else. She will get there no doubt...I hope she does so while there is still plenty of summer left to enjoy.
