Innocence often escapes us in 2012. Young children understand subjects they shouldn't. Adults lost theirs so long ago the concept of innocence seems almost foreign. It is difficult to find a movie, book, or event where you don't have to shield your children from seeing, hearing, or learning too much. All of that being said, we happened to find two children who despite their experiences with abuse, neglect, trauma, and lack of unconditional love (other than by God!) still have such an innocence about them that brings us great joy.
The most recent example is found in their planning for my birthday. As many of you know, a few months ago we lost our kitty, Apache, and it was devastating. He was my little love and would cuddle with me at night on the couch or in bed. He loved to snuggle. I have missed his presence so I asked Kara if for my birthday we could get another kitten. She agreed and I asked that it could be from the kids so they felt a part of this journey. We decided to let them think that I didn't know about this idea and about the kitty. Over the last few weeks they are often leaning down at the dinner table signing under the table where I "can't see them" (of course I totally can because they don't lean down far enough!) or they hold one hand in front of the other hand that is signing and think I cannot understand what they say. They giggle and look at me and both sign "nothing!!" with big grins-- which translates into "Nothing to see here mom.. nothing to see...".
Last weekend we went to Bend, Oregon for a little escape from life! While there we realized we forgot the pills our dog needs to take to calm his nerves before a long ride. We stopped by Petsmart to check for some natural calming medicine and decided to buy everything we needed for our new addition while there. Of course, because this little man is a surprise I was kicked out of the aisles they were in and they would stand in front of the cart with grins from ear to ear and say, "nothing!!"... and would sign cute little comments back and forth. A few times they would hold up their hand (that imaginary wall!) and ask Mom Kara what kind of kitten food to get or something else that just made my heart giggle! They are so innocent and have NO idea that I know exactly what is going on. Later, my daughter asked me, "Mom, what is your favorite color of kitten?" I said, "Well, hunny, I like all colors... Why are you asking?" She smiled and said, "Well, but what is your favorite that you wish we would get you..."... HAHAH still not realizing she said too much.
Once everything was paid for they needed to make the tag. It didn't occur to them that standing in front of a tag machine while I stood 5 feet away might be the least big suspicious. They still think I have no idea.
It has been a week and neither kid has let the "cat out of the bag" and the giggles and private chats just keep going. We have stopped by the house where the kitty is now 2 times and they have NO idea that is what is inside. We always takes turns going in while the other waits in the car with the kids. They suspect nothing!
This Sunday we will pick up our sweet new boy and the kids will get to give me the surprise they have been waiting so long to tell me about. No doubt they will then flood me with stories about how sneaky they were to buy all of these things in front of me without my ever finding out! I can't wait to smile and tell them how good they are at keeping a surprise and making me feel special.
Their innocence makes my heart happy. They might not be emotionally where their peers are at this time but they are emotionally exactly where they need to be. God spared their little spirits. People might have injured their bodies, scarred their memories, and left them without feeling like their needs were met, but God saved their little spirits for such a time as this so we could fill them with great joy and let them live their innocence if even for just a little while longer. Some days I look at them and already see signs that they are growing up and leaving that behind, but times like this still give me hope that we still have precious time left.
I challenge you to find something innocent this weekend and embrace it-- your own or in someone else. Let it take hold of you and lift you to that place where all is right with the world... When someone asks why you are smiling and giggling and happy, just look at them with love and say/sign, "ohh, nothing!"..
Blessings to you all!!
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