Raining, Raining, Raining

On my parade.  Outside it is so dreary and dark.  It is a hard day today.  My brother is back home (in AZ) and not doing very well.  I think it is amazing how God prepares us for things in life before we ever understand why.  Seeing my brother struggle in so many ways over the years really set me up to understand and love people who were so different than myself.  It set me up to be able to understand about our kids' birth mother, their brother, people who lose their children for a myriad of different reasons.  It really has allowed me to have love for people who make mistakes and poor choices. 

Today I wish I could be there beside him.  I wish I could hug him and hold him and tell him that everything was going to be alright.  I wish I could make the rain go away and his tears stop falling.  Falling like the drops that are pounding the ground as I sit here and write this post.  Tears that speak of a heartache that nobody should have to feel.  Tears that are real and deep and deafening.

People don't understand addiction, mental illness, disability.  People don't talk about the struggles they face or feel inside.  It just stays dark-- like the clouds that are dropping down the rain drops outside my window.  Truth be told most of them have struggled all of their lives.  They never asked to have thoughts or behaviors like they do. 

Going to hold our little ones a little closer tonight... Knowing that I can't prevent what will happen in their lives.  I like to think that as their mom I can keep them from harm, making bad choices, or feeling pain.  But the reality of this world is that each of us has a journey to take.  Some have it easier than others.  Some almost seem like they make it without any struggles or pain.  Makes you sit and wonder how it is fair.  How god is just, but allows some to feel all the hurt while others seem to not.

The rain makes things seem heavier.  Knowing his tears are falling makes things that much darker.  Knowing that the sun will come out again and the rain will eventually stop falling-- that's the only hope we can count on.

Be kind to people.  Love people.  Hold people close.