So I just took the time to read back over all the entries in my blog. Something about inviting others to view this journey made me feel the need to go back over the words and be sure that everything was represented correctly.. I feel protective of our children already. While it is empowering to share with others about what they have been through it is also scary to think that how their are viewed will be different after the person gains such background knowledge. I am very careful with who I share this blog with and I know that they would never love our babies (or us) less because of a past... I guess it is just that maternal instinct stepping in to protect our little ones from the world. So, thanks for reading and for LOVING our family...
What I noticed in the entries is that I never did give an update on new findings/information that we have gathered over the last month or two. This post will help to bridge the gap between what we knew and what we know.
We were scared because some of the issues that our daughter was facing seemed psychological in nature. Because of her birth mother's mental illness, the first thing we were led to believe was that it was most likely true that she would suffer from a mental illness. The strange thing for me- and what really made me stay the course to see this through- was that these symptoms only showed up on record during the time they lived at one particular home (with a foster mother). They lived in this home for 2 years and it is reported that our son was given more attention than our daughter because he had a hearing loss (You never know what you can and cannot believe in these files, truly). Our daughter started saying that she was feeling bugs under her skin on in her brain... that she wanted to scratch the black off of her skin, etc... When we read about these comments in isolation they became very scary and overwhelming. They became threatening to our life as we know it... But we felt we wanted to wait and get more updated information to see how she was doing after being placed in a new foster home.
The reason they left the last foster home was because of allegations of abuse (physical)... When I was thinking about this it really all started to make sense to me. When you feel anxious or upset about something what do you tend to feel? For me, I tend to get an upset tummy, a headache, sometimes if I am really upset I just feel like something is wrong but I can't explain it. I wonder if she was being hit and not being loved in the way she needed and these feelings of anxiety and neglect started making her feel nervous and these symptoms started showing up...How else does a child know how to explain such adult and intense feelings and emotions? For me it made perfect sense that she would say she felt like there were bugs- maybe she felt creepy or tingly. Who knows. The only time such instances are recorded (from anecdotes written from the prior foster mom and notes from the therapist during those 2 years) was during the time they were living in that home.
When they did psych evals on the kids it was determined that she was probably using the tactile hallucination as an attention getting strategy because suddenly people started to pay attention when she talked about that... Her foster mom told her not to tell others about her feelings but the therapist made it clear that she should be asked about these occurrences weekly. While it is good to talk and visit certain subjects I wonder how much of "leading the question" came into play with her during these therapy sessions. Once they were removed from this home and placed with their new foster mother these hallucinations have stopped. She reports that she does not feel those things any more. The prior home said she would stare off into space and lose herself for periods of 10 to 15 mins at a time... and led others to believe that maybe she was disassociating during that time. Again, since moving to this new home 7 months ago, the new foster mother had not noticed any of these things at all.
When talking with the kids' therapist, she said that she felt it was likely an attention seeking measure because while she no longer says those things, she now pretends to be Deaf or talk like a baby... She feels this is getting her more attention now (since her new foster mom is hard of hearing). The therapist said that children with mental illness are not able to hide their symptoms... That is she was truly experiencing tactile or visual/audio hallucinations that they would still be present and that no matter how hard she tired to hide them that it would be obvious that she was still experiencing them.
At the end of the day we just believe that she (and her brother) need a good and loving home where there is consistency, love, support, respect, and their needs are met.
While the new therapist said it doesn't seem she is struggling with a mental illness, she does notice that she struggles with self esteem and self concept. She often mentions wishing she was white or had long blond hair and blue eyes...We are blessed to have amazing and diverse friends who will be great role models for our babies! God is good :) She does have ADHD- Inattentive Type but has never tried meds. I have been researching some good home remedies and suggestions on how to interact with your child who had ADHD-Inattentive type. Luckily a lot of the suggestions are already things that we incorporate into our lives and schedules. While we would not be opposed to medication, we will wait and see how she does once she transitions here and will address her needs at that time.
We know that we have a long journey ahead of us but we really also believe that it will be one with such love, compassion, growth, and laughter that we will never regret it!
Here are the great things that made us smile:
Our son is a comedian... he likes to be the center of attention! He is a LEO (like Kara!) need I say more? He also likes to give people the silent treatment by turning his back to them when he doesn't want to read their lips because he doesn't like what they are telling him to do. This makes me so happy (until he does it to me, I'm sure! lol) because it tells me that inside that boy is a spirit just waiting to break free and soar! That's such a miracle in and of itself.
Our daughter loves sports and especially basketball (so does our son). Kara is THRILLED. Her passion is sports and she is so excited to share this with both kids.
Our daughter is also very girly and a princess- this thrills ME because I love to do arts and crafts and make cute projects and do fun girly things.
Our son is starting to attend to Deaf people better than hearing people... While he will turn his back and not read the lips of a person trying to tell him what to do, their foster mom said he is always very attentive to deaf people when they sign- that is a promising sign that he is searching for an outlet and for his identity! :)
Our daughter has some issues with stealing... and she 90% of the time steals potato chips! We crack up every time we hear another incident! While stealing isn't acceptable, we were told that every foster child steals and that it eventually stops when they settle into a home where their needs are met and they don't feel insecure. The most recent incident she took some chips from the kitchen and ate them and flushed the bag so as not to get caught.. The foster mother had no idea why the toilet was clogged so she called for a plumber. He found the chip bag and the truth came out! LOL. Again, we laugh now but I'm sure we will see less humor in it when we have to call in the plumber! But that tells us that she still isn't feeling completely like her needs are met... and that she loves chips! :)
Anyway, this is the longest post ever and so I am going to cut it off here... But we are so excited that with each passing day our journey comes closer and closer to our little miracles!
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