Tomorrow is Cinco De Mayo and it is so funny because after living in AZ for so many years I am used to that being a point of conversation for weeks before it arrived. In Oregon, I have not heard one mention of anyone planning a celebration or even recognizing the date. Sometimes I feel so very far away from home...
I dreamed about the kids again last night. Interestingly enough, both times I have dreamed about them I have dreamed that they are different ages. The little girl is older than the boy but both times I have dreamed that he is older... and that the little girl is very young. She is actually 9 so this is strange to see her as a 3 or 4 year old in my dreams...I wonder if it is some kind of loss of innocence thing that my mind sees her when she was young and still Innocent? I have no idea.
This time I also dreamed about their mom. First she was black, then white, then black again. In the end she was fighting to take the kids back and saying that so many people wanted to adopt them. I was there to talk to her and try to convince her to let us adopt them... .She broke down crying at the end of my dream and I put my hand on her arm to comfort her and tell her it was ok and she grabbed my wrist and stabbed me with a comb... I woke up this morning just wondering what in the world that dream meant.
I told Kara about the dream and as it turns out she had a dream about the little boy!! This is the first time that either of the kids showed up in her dreams. She said he was tiny like a little doll and we couldn't decide if we should adopt him because he appeared to be asleep/not really alive.. Then she said she felt him tap her shoulder and he started signing...She was so taken aback that she asked him to repeat himself and he was signing fluently....We did adopt him in her dream. The little girl did not show up in her dream.
I know that sometimes dreams can be just nonsense- or a way for your brain to release what you have been thinking about... But I know that God used to send messages in dreams too... Could that be the case? Or that we both dreamed of the kids/one of the kids on the same night- is it a coincidence?
There is no doubt that our hearts and minds are so confused... I saw a quote today that really bothered me... It said something like:
If you ask another for advice it is because you already know the answer and you don't want to admit it
I can't remember exactly what it said, but that sure doesn't sit well with me. I am hoping that we ask advice to try and gain Godly wisdom that we can use along our path... Never easy. That's for sure. Never easy.
I found another quote that i DID like to make up for it....
Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible, and receives the impossible. (unknown)
Does He want us to just have faith? Are we leaning on too much education? We had a colleague look over the files and he said we have to expect the worst and pray for the best... and that it really does seem that these kids have a LOT of issues to try to get through... He said that some behavior seemed sexualized, the communication seemed limited, and that it would be a LONG road... but the last comment he made is what really hit my heart...
"All of that is a lot to deal with...but they need a loving home.. They need good parents like you who will give them a chance.... But it's just if you can do it or not..."
That's the million dollar question...
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